at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
