Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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