This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
