I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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