I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
