Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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