I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
