My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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