just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
