also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
