I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
