People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
