but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize