I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
