it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My penis needs a shock collar
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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