If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sobbing to NWA
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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