My underwear smells like fireworks.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
