Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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