nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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