i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
