Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's never too late to be topless.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The ass gains better be worth it
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