He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
