May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
