Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
