Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
