I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize