Betty ford says i'm here all night
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
