thus making me awesome and them whores
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
