Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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