I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
