dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
