we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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