Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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