He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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