Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
