Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
