you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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