Fuck appropriateness.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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