I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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