ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
