thus making me awesome and them whores
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
