my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
