If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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