dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
