She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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