i need an iv and a liver transplant
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
