im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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