Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
