I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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