saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
