and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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