Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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