i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
