I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
