You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
