you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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