Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
