that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
