how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
