I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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