so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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