Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
