Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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