life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
