College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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