hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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