I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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