i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
