should my penis look like a turkey
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
