i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
