the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Couch. On fire.
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