dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize