cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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