I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
