Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
