i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
