I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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