so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I smell like Dick and happiness
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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