omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
