I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize